2012 Google Search Awards

Google Search Awards 2012

In 2012, almost half of all my blog traffic came from search engines, with most of it via Google. One of my daily online junking addictions is to read all the crazy things people type into the Google search bar to land on my site.  I’m able to do this through Google Analytics.  If you want to know more about how this works, I wrote about it last year.

The top 5 funniest ones are my personal selection, but the most popular 5 I took straight from Google Analytics.  The hot topics of 2012 were kale, poop, detoxing, and butts. Disclaimer: I don’t normally use the “S” word, but I wouldn’t want to tamper with the actual search queries.


Top 5 Funniest Searches of 2012

1. Does kale get the impacted shit out
Sounds like you need a lot more than kale to help your fecal impaction.  Eating more kale should help to prevent fecal impactions from happening in the future, but you may need a trained professional to help get that stuff out.

2. Does detoxing make you dodo a lot
I’ll take it you meant “doodoo”, not the extinct bird?  Depends on the type of detox.

3. What is it called when you get detox through your butt
Dodo… I mean doodoo.

4. Shit stick toilet bowl detox
Some baking soda, Murphy’s Oil Soap, and a good toilet brush will clean that up for you.  You Googlers are obsessed with poop!

5. Pills to make your booty big
Don’t know where to find a pill that does this.  If that’s what you’re going for, just eat sugar. But you really shouldn’t be eating that, so I don’t know what to tell ya…


Top 5 Most Popular Searches of 2012

1. Does kale help you poop
This is what happens when you talk about kale and poop in the same article.  Because kale is so high in fiber, it should help you poop.  I’m wondering why so many of you asked.  Since this is my top search hit, there must be a lot of constipated readers out there.

2. Trader Joe’s protein powder
Read my protein powder tips before buying your protein loot at TJ’s.  I currently do not get any of my protein powders from Trader Joe’s.

3. Hemp protein powder Trader Joe’s
The hemp protein powder from TJ’s is not my fave.  It’s cut with sugar.

4. archerfriendly
I find it funny that people are googling “archerfriendly” when it’s the name of my website, and you could just as easily add a “.com” to the end.

5. Does kale make you poop
You are obsessed with kale and poop in the same sentence.  Something must happen to your bowels when you eat kale.  To answer your question, it doesn’t necessarily “make you poop”.  It bulks up your stool, since it’s high in fiber.  Fiber helps everyone poop.

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2 Responses

  1. Diane Squyres



  2. Erika

    Laughing so hard Archer! This is priceless!


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